Romantic Egoist
by IrisEclipsed
Summary: AU  The boys are forced to begin a host club, but how is it supposed to work when half are antisocial and half are idiots? Doesn't help that certain girls are frequent customers.  SasuSaku   NejiTen   ShikaTem   KibaHinaNaru  DISCONTINUED
1. Formation of the Host Club

A/N: I've been rewatching Ouran High School Host Club, my FAVORITE anime of all time, and this idea popped into my head. I looked around and other authors have done something similar, merging the plot of Ouran with Naruto characters, so it's not totally original, but this fic won't have one of the girls posing as a male host because, face it, none of the Naruto girls look very manly.

And I love all the host club boys (Kyouya and Tamaki in particular) and I even love Haruhi. I don't normally like the main female heroine but she's fantastic.

Who has seen episode 19 of Shippuuden? Total disappointment . . .

Disclaimer: I don't own.

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Chapter 1

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_Konoha Private Academy is defined by . . ._

_One: Prestigious families . . ._

_And . . ._

_Two: Wealth._

_Prosperous people have a lot of time on their hands, therefore, Konoha Host Club is about handsome guys that have time on their hands to give hospitality to lovely ladies that also have time._

_What better way to spend time than to make beautiful girls happy?_

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"No." Sasuke said flatly, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning back into his chair.

Tsunade glared menacingly and slammed her fist onto her table. "Uchiha—"

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"It'd be too troublesome . . ."

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Neji rose from his chair. "I have more important things to do."

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Shino walked in, took one look at Tsunade's somewhat pleading smile and walked back out of her office. His resigned 'no' echoed down the hall as she repeatedly banged her head against her desk.

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Target: Inuzuka Kiba a.k.a. Naughty Wild-type & Uzumaki Naruto a.k.a. Cute Devious-type

Kiba and Naruto gazed at her with slightly confused and interested expressions.

"You want us to what?" the blonde asked.

Tsunade sighed. "I want you to create a host club and I want you two," she nodded to each of them in turn, "to try and convince Uchiha, Nara, Hyuuga Neji and Shino to join as well. Can you do that?"

Kiba frowned. "I _think_ so, but, why do you want us to make a host club?"

"Imagine, if you will, that you are a girl about to enter high school and you have a choice between Oto Academy and Konoha Academy. Will you go to the school that has an exclusive club filled with handsome men who will spend time with you in a lavish atmosphere? Or go to Oto?"

Naruto bit his lip and tugged on the collar of his black school uniform. "I'd go to . . . Konoha?"

Tsunade nodded. "Exactly."

"Why should we help you?" Kiba asked, eyeing her warily. "What's in it for us?"

"Hot girls and free ramen."

Needless to say both boys were quite enthusiastic at that point.

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Target 1: Nara Shikamaru a.k.a. Modest Genius-type

"Shikamaru!" Kiba whined, tugging on said boy's uniform. "Please join!"

Shikamaru frowned in response, body jostling due to the brunette's tugging. "Fine, fine!" he yelled, pushing Kiba away. "Just let go of me."

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Target: Aburame Shino a.k.a. Gentle Silent-type

"Shino . . ."

"No."

"But—"

"No."

"Please!"

"Kiba, no."

"I'll destroy your ant farm," Kiba threatened.

"I'll kill you."

"I'm going to break into song . . ."

". . . Fine . . ."

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Target: Hyuuga Neji a.k.a. Gorgeous Cool-type

Naruto casually leaned against Neji's desk, studying the Hyuuga who was currently ignoring him and reading. The blonde inwardly groaned. This was going to be harder than he thought. He and Kiba and divided the workload; Kiba convinces Shino and Shikamaru, he would get Neji and Sasuke. When Naruto complained that he had both Neji _and_ Sasuke, two of the most anal people in the world, Kiba quickly retorted that he wasn't really a friend of the Uchiha and was only an acquaintance of Neji's.

"Neji—" he began.

"I told Tsunade no and I'm telling you no."

Naruto winced. "But it could be fun!"

"What could be fun about giving girls disillusions about my character?" Neji stared at him coolly. "I'm not interested, Naruto."

"Is it because you're interested in a particular girl already?" Naruto asked. Neji didn't respond but the blonde could swear that the boy's face had turned slightly pink. "It's true, isn't it?" People didn't think Naruto was very observant, but people are more likely to slip in front of an idiot than a genius. He'd noticed how Neji sometimes stared at the new girl, Tenten, and found it quite amusing.

"I-I don't know what you're talking about."

Naruto grinned. "Hey, don't deny it—"

"I'll join your stupid club." Neji replied quickly, slamming his book shut. "Just don't say anything."

"Will do." he replied happily.

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Target: Uchiha Sasuke a.k.a. Reserved Prince-type

Sasuke's frown deepened as Naruto continued to tap his pencil against his desk and sigh. Loudly. The Uchiha was a patient person and usually could rein in his temper, but whenever he was alone with Naruto his anger almost always got the best of him.

His grip tightened, mechanical pencil in hand snapping, and glared at Naruto.

"Stop that." he said darkly.

"Huh?" the blonde gave him an innocent look while tilting his head to the side. "Stop what?"

"You know very well what."

"Sasuke—"

"I said no."

Naruto growled. "Teme—"

"Get out of my house." Sasuke said, turning back to his homework.

The blonde gave a wail of despair. "Neji—our sempai!—is going to be in it! Shikamaru and Shino too!" Naruto scooted closer to the reluctant Uchiha and threw his arms around him and fake sobbed into the dark haired boy's neck. "Sasuke! _Please!_ It'll be so much fun and we get to be with tons of girls for three hours each day and—"

"_No_."

"B-But Sasuke!"

Sasuke shoved Naruto away from himself, scowling. "Why would I enjoy catering to the fan girls that annoy me, dobe? Give them hospitality? Give me a break."

"Y-You can be club Chairman if you want!" Naruto said, giving the Uchiha a hopeful look.

"No." he replied, turning back to his work.

_Ok_, Naruto thought, _time to bring out the big guns._

"Sasuke . . ."

The Uchiha stiffened.

He knew that tone, knew the look that usually accompanied it too. Slowly, Sasuke turned to face Naruto and inwardly groaned. Plastered on the blonde dobe's face was the infamous puppy look. It was like his ultimate trump card and, from past experience, Sasuke could never deny the blonde once he used it. Naruto's eyes were large and glassy, his look sad and dejected mixed perfectly with a dash of innocence and hopefulness.

Naruto knew he won when Sasuke murmured, "Hn."

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Tsunade was grinning like a Cheshire cat and let out a happy sound as Shikamaru, Neji and Sasuke stalked into her office. All three young men looked absolutely pained being there. Sasuke was scowling impressively as he dropped the club form on her desk.

"You're president and club Chairman?" she asked, looking over the club request form.

"Yes," he answered reluctantly. "Neji is vice president."

"Uh huh." Tsunade signed her name on a line at the bottom of the first page, right under Sasuke's signature and Neji's initials. She gave Shikamaru a quizzical look. "Why are you here, Nara?"

He sighed. "This is stupid and troublesome—"

"But necessary." Tsunade said, cutting him off. "Konoha Academy is losing a lot of prospective students because of Oto and a way to bring in more is to make this host club with some of our school's handsomest young men." She let out a long suffering sigh. "Now, I know some of you aren't the most . . . _Social_ people," she sent Sasuke and Neji looks, "but please try to bear with it. Many of your fan girls will probably pay good money to spend five minutes alone with you—"

Neji's white eyes gleamed unnaturally. "We can make a profit off of them?"

"As long as you don't ask for an outrageous amount of money I'll allow it."

"Where are we going to be holding this 'host club'?" Shikamaru asked.

Tsunade pulled out a map of the Academy. "The third music room on the fourth floor should be free. It's all yours."

Sasuke snorted. "My father is the Superintendent. If I told him about this he could have this club disbanded and you fired."

The fifty year old blonde, she looked about twenty, waved it off as an empty threat. "I'm the best principal this Academy has ever had. Your father firing me would be like a death wish. Who else can handle Uzumaki Naruto, actually make Kakashi teach _and_ keep Gai's 'youthful' sermons to a minimum?" she asked, hiding the smug smile that threatened to appear on her youthful face.

The Uchiha looked away from her towards the wall.

Shikamaru sighed heavily. "Do we have a particular theme to go on?"

"Think 'fall'." she said before shoving all three out of her office and slamming the door.

_Thus, the Konoha Academy Host Club was born._

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A/N: Please review? Reviews are my happy crack.

I'm still deciding on some pairings (NejiTen is a given in my stories and I'm leaning towards SasuSaku) so if you really like one in particular, tell me and I may consider it for the story.


	2. Meet the Boys: Sasuke & Neji

A/N: It's been almost a month since I first posted this story. Sorry it's taken me so long to update. I made this chapter long as a peace offering. Can you forgive me?

Oh my god! 50+ reviews for one chapter!? I am not worthy!

I've changed the main pairing from NejiTen to SasuSaku because I think I'm going to focus more on SasuSaku, but NejiTen is still going to be pretty heavy in the story.

EDIT: I seem to be doing these things a lot lately. I accidentally put that Sasuke's parents are deceased when they are NOT. Sometimes I rush and I kinda forget what I put in the previous chapter . . . A beta, I need. Thanks to timidhinata for pointing that out!

Disclaimer: I don't own.

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Chapter 2

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"Oh, Sasuke-kun," the girl snuggled deeper into his arms and Sasuke forced himself not to push her away. It pained him to do this. She wrapped an arm around his waist and placed her other hand on his chest and sighed happily. He clenched his fists and was about to punch the girl when Neji strolled by and gave him a slashing look of warning. Sasuke inwardly cursed and unclenched his hands and put one arm around the girl's shoulders; she squealed. Neji gave an approving nod and then pointed to his mouth with the pen in his hand and pointedly raised an eyebrow.

Sasuke knew what he meant and wanted to scream.

"Mariko," he whispered instead, softly into her ear, "you're so beautiful."

The girl, Mariko, gasped and her lips parted while she looked up at him with adoration in her eyes. "Oh, Sasuke-kun!"

"Time's up!"

_Thank god_, Sasuke thought before unceremoniously wrenching himself away from Mariko. She was left alone on the couch, lips poised to be kissed and eyes wide.

"S-Sasuke-kun—"

"Your time's up. Leave." he replied icily.

She looked like she was about to burst into tears but he didn't give a damn.

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Neji made a note in his black note book and closed it with a loud snap. "Our club is very popular." he murmured, giving all the club members present a blank look. "Good job."

"God _dammit!_" Sasuke yelled, slamming his fist down on the tabletop. "Divide up the girls evenly between us, Hyuuga."

The Hyuuga male calmly leveled Sasuke with his gaze. "You're the most popular of our little group, Uchiha. It was obvious over half of the girls would flock to you." Neji reopened his notebook and scanned the first few pages, putting all the information into his mental Rolodex. "We have around four hundred customers so far, all of them female as you know, and we've got enough money from the fees we charged to do that fancy restaurant/waiter theme you suggested Shikamaru."

Shikamaru lifted his arm in acknowledgement and then went back to sleeping.

Sasuke scowled. "Where are the others?"

"Shino left after we closed." Neji replied, eyes traveling around the room lazily. "Kiba and Naruto went off to get some food."

He rolled his eyes. "We _served_ food."

"Obviously it wasn't enough for those two."

"Of course." Sasuke said sarcastically, leaning back against the couch and putting his arms behind his head. "Nara, aren't you going out with Temari from Suna University?"

"We're going out," Shikamaru muttered, lifting his head, "but she doesn't know I'm doing this. If she finds out she'll probably kill me." He scratched the back of his head and muttered something about 'troublesome women'. "Don't tell Naruto. You know he's good friends with her younger brother, Gaara."

Sasuke said calmly, "You have to take some of my customers tomorrow."

Shikamaru groaned. "Fine, whatever."

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Tenten looked up as Ino and Sakura dropped into the seats to the right of her. The blonde haired girl looked extremely happy and was practically beaming; Sakura looked a little tired but happy as well.

"Guess what!" Ino cried elatedly. "Sasuke-kun has started a host club!"

The brunette of the group gazed at her quizzically. "A host what?"

"A host club." Sakura said with some disgust. "The guys in the club give hospitality and feed girls' fantasies about them in exchange for money."

"So," Tenten began, frowning, "they're like whores? Except without being naked?"

"Not r—"

"Exactly!" the blonde said, clapping her hands together determinedly. "We _have_ to go."

Tenten bit her lip and gazed at Ino skeptically. "I don't know." she said. "There might be some u—"

Ino pulled out a folder from her large designer tote bag and waved it around in front of their faces. "Got it covered!" she yelled, slapping the folder down onto the table. "I did some research on the members and I've compiled a profile about each one." She opened the folder and promptly began spreading out the data, and then smugly pointed to the first boy.

"First is Uchiha Sasuke!" she began. "Age seventeen. Birthday July 23rd. Blood type AB. He is a second year high school student and in Class 2A with me and Sakura. His parents are alive, his dad is Superintendant, and his older brother, Itachi, manages Uchiha Corp. alone at the moment (His father gave him the company for his eighteenth birthday); Sasuke gets his share once he graduates high school. He's incredibly smart, a genius as some say, and excels in all aspects of school it seems, notably P.E., Japanese Studies and Math.

Personality wise he's very quiet and comes off cold and aloof, not really caring what others think. He's gorgeous and has many admirers around the school and out of it. His best friend is the loud-mouth Uzumaki Naruto but he's also pretty good friends with Hyuuga Neji and Nara Shikamaru since they've been seen hanging out at the mall together after school sometimes.

He's president of the host club and their so-called 'Prince' because he draws the most customers. Sasuke started the host club at Tsunade-sama's request.

On a side note his favorite colors are black and dark blue."

Sakura's frowned. "Where did you get all that information?"

"The Uchiha Sasuke FC." Ino answered smartly. "Just because you gave up your membership four years ago doesn't mean I have."

"Is it even legal to have this much information on him?" the pink haired girl asked. "Couldn't he sue you?"

"What Sasuke doesn't know can't hurt him."

Tenten opened and closed her mouth like a fish who was gasping for water. She shook her head at Ino and then looked down at the other profiles, one in particular catching her eye. "Hyuuga _Neji!?_" she said incredulously, gazing at the name again to make sure she'd read it right. "_He's_ in this thing too?"

Ino's eyes glittered with interest. "Do you know him?"

"We're in 3A together—" she looked up from the paper she was holding to see Ino grinning mischievously. "We've talked _twice_, Ino. We aren't like that."

The blonde rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Read the profile."

Tenten frowned but complied.

"Hyuuga Neji. Third year high school student. Age eighteen, birthday July 3rd and blood type O. Both of his parents are dead and he lives with his uncle Hiashi and two younger cousins Hinata, attends Konoha Academy, and Hanabi. He's smart, also a genius, and practices Chinese martial arts and meditates occasionally. Neji enjoys physics and psychology; takes Chinese as his foreign language.

He's cold and aloof like Sasuke and dislikes physical contact from anyone, makes it a point to avoid his fans and is . . . Curt?" Tenten looked up from the paper. "Do you _actually_ want me to read this?"

"_Yes_." Ino said, annoyed. "Keep going."

"Neji is very self-sufficient and doesn't like working in groups because he feels others besides a select few are incompetent and beneath his notice, though this type of thinking has gotten better since he was befriended by Uzumaki Naruto?"

"Finish reading my notes, Tenten!"

"He is also friends with Uchiha Sasuke, Nara Shikamaru and, somewhat, Rock Lee (Excellent in P.E. and a hard worker. Very friendly but is in need of eyebrow waxing.). Neji is a known heartthrob throughout Konoha Academy. He is vice president of the host club and his favorite colors are white and black." Tenten finished, finally, and placed the paper back on the table. "You could become a professional _stalker_, Ino." she said wryly, glancing at the picture of Neji paper clipped to the top right hand corner of his profile. "The only thing you missed was a physical description and his background."

"I have all that on separate sheets of paper." Ino replied flippantly. "These are just brief summaries. Sakura, read Shikamaru's profile."

The pink haired girl picked up the boy's sheet and raised an eyebrow at the black mustache drawn on his picture. "Remember, you guys are _friends_."

"He called me a troublesome bitch yesterday. I deserve to have some revenge."

"You sure he wasn't telling the t—"

"_Read_, forehead."

Sakura rolled her eyes. "Nara—"

"Ladies," the three of them looked up into the slightly bored face of their English Foreign Language teacher, Kakashi. He lowered his orange porno book momentarily so that they could see the top half of the surgeon mask he always wore over his mouth. "Lunch is over and you have to get to class." he said slowly, eyes flickering over the various papers on the table which Ino had casually thrown her giant tote bag over in an attempt to hide; it wasn't working too well. "Look over them _after school_, alright?"

"Yes, Kakashi-sensei." they replied together.

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Sakura looked up from her book as _they_ walked in.

Naruto was loud and boisterous, head thrown back in the midst of laughter and look as carefree as usual. His blonde hair was in it's familiar wind-blown style, as if he's been out on the beach all day, and his black uniform was open in the front exposing the white shirt he wore underneath; he'd mastered the look of a rumpled uniform, making it appealing rather than sloppy. He looked incredibly happy today for some reason.

While Naruto looked ecstatic, Sasuke seemed broody as usual. The same indifferent expression was plastered on his pale, gorgeous face. His clothes were immaculate and there were no creases anywhere. Completely perfect in appearance, his bangs were unnaturally straight and the back of his hair was formed in perfect spikes, Sasuke was unmoved by his best friend's happiness and just sat down, one seat away from her.

The blonde boy rolled his eyes and plopped down into the seat next to her, giving Sakura a brilliant smile. "Hey, Sakura-chan!" he cried, tilting his head to the side in a cute manner. "What's up?"

She smiled back at him. "Nothing much, just trying to finish our reading assignment from last night."

Naruto's eyes widened. "We had a _reading_ assignment!?" He turned away from her and to Sasuke, saying accusingly, "You didn't tell me about it!"

Sasuke glanced at him, said coldly, "You are a dumb ass." then turned away to rummage around in his back pack for something.

His jaw dropped and Naruto whipped back around to Sakura. "Sakura-chan!" he wailed. "You've _got_ to help me!"

"I don't know," she murmured, marking her page, "shouldn't you have known about the assignment since you were in class yesterday?"

"I have selective hearing!"

"More like ADHD." Shikamaru mumbled, slipping into the seat behind Naruto. She hadn't even heard him come in. He unbuttoned some of the clasps on his uniform and folded his hands behind his head casually, seeming to ignore the dozen happy sighs of the other girls in the room.

Out of the corner of her eye Sakura saw Kakashi come into the room, face buried into a different pervert book, this one forest green.

"I do _not_ have ADHD!" Naruto snapped vehemently. "Just because I'm not lazy like you or broody like that bastard over there," he jerked his thumb in the direction of Sasuke who cast him a dirty look, "doesn't mean I—"

"Naruto, switch seats with Sasuke."

"Kakashi-_sensei!_" the blonde cried, slamming his hand onto his desk and turning to glare at their surprisingly early teacher. "I just got comfortable!"

The silver haired man gave a do-you-think-I-care look and pointed to the two desks. "Switch."

With much mumbled cursing from Naruto and an irritated look from Sasuke the two boys switched seats and Haruno Sakura suddenly found herself sitting next to the boy she'd admired, and had a not-so-secret crush on, for nearly nine years.

"Hi, Sasuke." she said brightly, hoping he'd return her greeting. She'd dropped the 'kun' she used to put at the end of his name four years ago when he left Konoha Academy for Oto. He came back after two and a half years but he wasn't exactly the same as when he left and didn't seem to think much of her, even though they had been friends to some extent before.

"Sakura." he replied curtly, not even looking at her.

Class was starting.

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Ino wanted to scream from boredom and instead opted for ripping a sheet of notebook paper to shreds. Her ice blue eyes looked at the board once, taking in the various chemistry equations and then moving to their chain-smoking teacher Asuma. Class was so uneventful and she wished there was some eye candy in their class but, from her observations, this class was completely lacking.

At least Hinata was here to keep her company.

She turned to the blue-black haired girl and pretended to gag while pointing her finger at her mouth. Hinata smiled and rolled her white eyes before turning her attention back to Asuma and his infinitely long lecture.

Ino had often wondered how they had become friends when they were so different. Hinata was quiet, shy and totally innocent where as she was loud, obnoxious according to Sakura and incredibly wild, having done things in the past she wished she could forget. It wasn't like she hid her past escapades, everyone knew about them so there was no use hiding, but the string of romances she'd had in the past was not during her high point. Really, she was just depressed at that time and if her friends hadn't been there for her she probably would've ended up pregnant, or worse, dead.

"Ino?"

The blonde snapped out of her stupor and cast the now standing Hinata a surprised look. "Class is over?" she asked stupidly.

"Yeah. Y-You were spacing out . . ." she whispered, putting a hand on Ino's shoulders. "Is something wrong?"

"Just thinking about stuff I'd rather forget." Ino replied, waving off Hinata's look of concern. "Everything I did back then is my fault and I should've handled myself better. I'm really grateful to you and Sakura for helping me through everything. Really."

White eyes moved over her face and Ino felt dirty, again, for some reason under Hinata's worried scrutiny.

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Tenten sat down on the edge of the giant fountain in the central garden in front of the main building, staring at the piece of folded paper in her hand.

It was a confession.

She dropped her bag onto the ground beside her feet and slowly opened it, remembering when she'd received it in class.

_Neji sat down next to her and Tenten tried not to stare too openly at him. She still couldn't believe that Neji, _Hyuuga Neji_, was part of that club; she'd asked around and found it to be true. From what she observed in the halls and the classes they were in together he despised his fan girls, so what was making him participate in something as stupid as a host club? Sometimes boys were so complicated. She could never understand the way a man's mind worked. They were always saying one thing, doing another, it was damn irritating to try to figure them out so she had vowed to avoid relationships until she graduated but a certain gorgeous Hyuuga male was making it hard for her to commit . . . How could fate work against her like this?_

"_Hi Neji." Tenten said._

_He cast her a glance and nodded a hello right before Rock Lee fell into the seat to his right._

"_Ah! Tenten, beautiful flower of Konoha," Lee cried, "how are you?" _

_She smiled at Lee and being called 'beautiful flower of Konoha' instantly brightened her day. She didn't know why Lee had started calling her this, only that it made her giggle slightly and made for some heat in her cheeks. _

_She'd met Lee on her first day here; he'd been the one to show her around since she'd just transferred from China and was new. Lee was so happy and totally fine with everything, always smiling like he was on Cloud Nine, and Tenten had taken a liking to him immediately. _

_Lee grinned from ear to ear as she replied, "I'm great."_

"_Is Konoha better than the school you attended in China?" he asked, dark eyes fixed on her intently and paying the utmost attention so he could hear her coming answer._

"_Well, the people here are a lot friendlier," she admitted, "and the Academy is beautiful."_

_Lee looked like he was about to cry with joy. "I'm so glad you've had such a wonderfully youthful experience here so far, Tenten!" She laughed and thanked him. "Oh! Tenten, I have something for you . . ." the bowl haired teen rummaged around in his bag before pulling out a folded piece of paper. "A boy in my previous class, I think you have second with him, told me to give this to you. I think it's a love confession!" Lee put a hand over his heart and said seriously, "And I did not open it!"_

_Tenten took the note gingerly and stated thickly, "A love confession." She looked at Lee dubiously. "Are you sure?"_

"_Most definitely! It's so youthful to confess young teenage love," Lee turned to Neji. "Don't you agree?"_

"_Hn." Neji replied, tone glacial._

Tenten sighed and read the note in her hands.

_Tenten,_

_I've liked you ever since you came to Konoha._

_Please go out with me._

_-Kazuma_

She racked her brain for a 'Kazuma' before remembering that there was a guy named Kazuma in her second period class. He had dark hair and dark purple eyes and she remembered talking to him for, like, five minutes one day. Well now, boys here certainly didn't wait did they? What a way to tell a girl you liked them. Very elaborate and oh so romantic . . . Tenten sighed and stuffed the paper into her back pack. Now she'd have to think up a nice way to tell him she wasn't interested.

Her back pocket vibrated and she pulled out her cell phone. Sakura's face was illuminated on the screen and she flipped it open to see a text message.

_where r u? third music room, fourth floor. be there._

_Oh yeah_, Tenten thought, _we're going to that host club thing_ . . .

XXXXX

Kiba and Naruto wore identical outfits; black slacks, white dress shirts slightly unbuttoned at the top and black jackets tied around their waists. It was their school uniforms pretty much; the waiter outfits Shikamaru and Neji had ordered hadn't come in yet. The furniture Shikamaru had asked Chouji to send them from one of his parent's restaurants in France hadn't arrived yet either.

Kiba frowned at his attire and decided he'd rather throw the jacket over his shoulder instead of tying it around his waist. "Why are we wearing these again?" the dog lover asked. He winced and shuddered at the icy look Neji shot him, shutting up immediately. For some odd reason Neji had become more agitated and easily annoyed than before, making it a point to snap and/or glare when people questioned him.

Naruto leaned close to Kiba's ear and whispered, "It's the Hyuuga PMS."

He couldn't help the snicker that escaped him.

Neji growled and Kiba shut up again.

Shikamaru sighed. "The theme for today is 'smart-casual' so act smart and be casual. I know this is hard for a few of you," he looked at Naruto and Kiba in particular and the blonde gave an indignant yell, "but try."

"I can _totally_ do smart-casual!" Kiba frowned. "Shino, don't you think I can do smart-casual?"

The silent bug lover looked up from the nature book he was reading and stared at his best friend from behind dark glasses. "Do you want me to lie?" he asked.

"Just tell the truth."

Shino pushed his sunglasses up with his middle finger and got comfortable in his seat.

"No."

Kiba gave a frustrated scream.

Shikamaru sighed and then followed Neji into a secluded corner of the music room from where Sasuke was motioning them over with the jerk of his head.

"What's with you, Hyuuga?" Sasuke asked when the Hyuuga was in hearing range. He added accusingly, "Your attitude's shittier than usual."

Neji glowered at him and didn't reply, choosing instead to give the boy a dirty look of utmost contempt.

Shikamaru sighed. "Does this have anything to do with _that_ girl?"

"_What_ girl?" Neji asked, opening his notebook and making a note.

"The one that's walking in right now."

The pencil he was holding shattered, plastic and lead showering his person and the floor. Neji whipped his head around, expecting to see Tenten walking through the door, but the room was still empty save for the normal furniture and the rest of the club. He turned back to Shikamaru and ground out, "You ass hole—"

"So you like a girl." Shikamaru said, rubbing his chin and considering this new development in their little group. "Who is she?"

"Hn."

"Drop it, Nara." Sasuke said, staring at Neji with disinterest. "His love life is none of our business."

Shikamaru shrugged. "Alright, but don't let this affect your _performance_, Neji." He wasn't surprised when the Hyuuga male pointedly ignored him.

Sasuke rolled his dark eyes in annoyance. "Is there any other business we need to discuss?"

Neji pulled out a stack of cards from his notebook and handed them to Sasuke. "Shikamaru thought it'd be a good idea to do comment cards. See what we can do better and what the customers want to see."

"Depending on what they want we can base every week on a different theme and pick food to serve corresponding with it." Shikamaru said thoughtfully. "It'll make us seem more organized than we actually are, though doing all this will take a while with just three of us working on it. We should hire some people to fix up this place when we pick themes. We could also have costumes made specifically for this later on if you want."

Sasuke leaned against the wall and asked calmly, "How much is this going to cost us?"

"Depends on how much you want to do." Neji replied. "It's not like any of us is lacking funds, though I can see why you'd rather not spend your own money on something like this."

"Can we increase the fee and still have the kind of business we've been having?" Sasuke asked, looking at Neji first, then to Shikamaru.

The Nara put a hand on the back of his neck and sighed deeply. "Probably."

Neji nodded in agreement.

"Then do it."

XXXXX

"So why are we doing this again?" Sakura asked, shouldering her slipping back pack again. She had a test in chemistry to study for and waiting in the middle of a hallway all afternoon wasn't going to do much for her grades. They'd been waiting for what seemed like forever and all the other girls who had been waiting with them were inside. "You, Tenten and Hinata can go to the host club without me—"

"It won't be as much fun without you, Sakura! Stop trying to get out of this," Ino hissed. "You're coming and that's final!"

The pink haired girl sighed.

"I-I don't think I w-want to do this . . ." Hinata muttered, chewing on her lower lip with wariness in her eyes.

The blonde in their group groaned. "Not you too! Don't you want to see Naruto?" Hinata instantly blushed a thousand shades of red and looked down. "I thought so."

"Don't _force_ her to go with you, pig." Sakura said, exasperated.

"I told you not to call me that, fore head." Ino replied, rolling her eyes at the old, slightly-offensive-in-an-affectionate way nickname. "Where's Tenten?" On cue the sound of running feet hitting the polished marble floor echoed down the hallway and all three girls turned away from the door to see the last of their group coming up to them, bangs flying away from her face and back pack slipping off one shoulder. Ino clucked her tongue. "I thought you were going to skip out on us."

Tenten rolled her eyes. "You told me third music room on the fourth floor, not what _building_ you guys would be in. I've been running all around the school trying to find this place!" She tried to catch her breath and fanned herself. "Next time tell me which building it is, ok?"

"Forehead—"

"Well now that she's here let's go in!" Sakura cried with false excitement. She mouthed a silent apology to Tenten and the brunette waved it off and muttered something about needing to exercise more. "Why don't you do the honors, Hinata?"

The Hyuuga girl swallowed and pushed open the door to the third music room.

Soft light filtered through and the smell of rose petals drifted to them. Kiba and Naruto appeared and both gave foxy grins. "Welcome!" they cried in unison.

Sakura, Ino and Tenten stared.

Hinata promptly fainted.

_Welcome to the Konoha Academy Host Club._

_We're glad you're here._

XXXXX

A/N: Please review! Reviews are my happy crack!


	3. Meet the Boys: Shikamaru & Naruto

A/N: So it's been a while, like three weeks, and I'm updating again. Holy crap, I've never had such a popular story before and the reviews make me so happy; I love seeing them in my email box.

**READ THIS**: Ok, anyone who's ever seen/read Ouran knows that there is a _slight_ shounen-ai-ish thing in it, like, two of the characters act kind of gay to get more customers. It is FAKE, I repeat, FAKE and they just do it because it's funny and the girls love it. This story is going to be Ouran-esque so I have to tell you right now that I will have a few characters act a little gay, though they won't actually _be_ gay which is a _huge_ difference. If you are bothered by this then you don't have to read the story but please, don't complain to me about it in a review/PM/whatever.

WARNING: FAKE shounen-ai and awkward situations.

Disclaimer: I don't own.

Give thanks to my beta phantom1ntheshadows.

XXXXX

Chapter 3

XXXXX

Sakura licked her lips and groped for a suitable topic to talk about but found none. Sasuke seemed unmoved and simply stared out of the window, chin propped up in his hand. He looked very bored but more relaxed than how he was before. He'd been with another girl who was very touchy-feely before she, according to Naruto, 'rescued' him. The blonde had come by earlier to set down their tea and give Sasuke a look of warning which caused the Uchiha heir to narrow his eyes in response.

She poured some milk into her tea, red tea was always best with a little milk, and looked to Sasuke. "Do you want some as well?"

His gaze slid to her and she was keenly reminded of the fact that she adored those eyes.

"No."

She shrugged and set down the creamer. "Does this whole 'host club' thing bore you?" she asked.

"Is it that obvious?" Sasuke returned sarcastically.

Sakura forced a smile on her face and said, "It is."

XXXXX

"_Oh my god! Hinata!" Sakura cried, dropping down beside their fallen friend and patting her gently on the cheek. "Holy shit! Wake up, Hinata!"_

_Hinata didn't awaken and her cheeks were flushed unusually, having a sort of reddish hue._

_Tenten had her cell phone out and was about to call for ambulance before one of the club members, Neji, came out, wondering what the hell was happening._

"_What's going on here?" he asked briskly. His eyes moved over the group of girls till they landed on Sakura patting Hinata on the floor. "Hinata-sama?"_

"_She fainted!" Naruto explained hurriedly. "We don't know what happened!"_

_Neji was quiet for a moment and then he took charge. "Naruto, Kiba, get her inside. Put Hinata-sama in the side room and get some water for her. You three," he turned his attention to Sakura, Ino and Tenten, "come inside."_

Tenten watched Neji stir his drink in a bored fashion, the black notebook he had been writing in placed on the table beside his arm. He had said he was free and she'd asked him to be her host today. From the many envious glares she'd gotten from the other girls in the room it was obvious he did this rarely.

"So," she began, breaking the tense silence that had enveloped them, "what do you do in the host club?"

Neji stared at her. "Drink tea, talk, if the girl wishes it we say romantic things."

"Sounds a little . . . Boring."

"Hn."

Tenten ran her finger around the rim of her cup. "Why did you join this thing anyways? You don't seem the type."

"I can assure you that I did not want to be a member." he replied stonily, a little bitterness in his tone.

"So, if I want you to say romantic things to me, you have to, right?"

"Yes." Neji answered warily.

"Well," she smiled, "then say something romantic to me."

"What would you like me to say, Tenten?"

"I don't know. Surprise me."

Neji frowned.

He knew he liked this girl, knew he wanted to impress her, but he just didn't know _how_.

How could he say something romantic without it coming out like complete crap?

Tenten could tell he felt uncomfortable about this and patted his hand gently. "It's alright," she said, assuming his nervousness was more because he had never really done something like this before rather than him wanting to say the right thing to her, "you don't have to." Tenten gave him a brilliant smile and ignored the fact that she was currently touching him and that touching with the Hyuuga was a big 'no no'. "I think it's sweet how nervous you seem. The more you say sugary stuff the easier it gets, ok?"

Neji didn't know whether to be appreciative of her thoughtfulness or insulted because she thought he was incapable of saying 'sugary stuff'.

XXXXX

Sasuke _hated_ this.

At least she wasn't one of those clingy girls who wanted him to whisper in their ears and hug them. God, he hated physical contact even more since he started this club. Could this be a sort of cruel and unusual punishment? Could he sue Tsunade for all she was worth as revenge?

It would be sweet justice.

Sakura, evidently tired of trying to coax him into a conversation, had cracked open her text book and was writing out notes on a sheet of paper.

He remembered her still from their middle school days, when she was an annoying but brilliant fan girl. She was still brilliant, top of their class behind him, but thankfully she'd grown out of her obsession with him. He'd been surprised. Sakura had been one of the most devoted in his fan club but the moment he'd left for Oto Academy it seemed that she'd dropped all that and focused more on her studies. According to Shikamaru, she'd been number one in their class for the next two and a half years till he returned to take his place back at the top. The first time the test scores came around he remembered hearing that she'd stared at their scores for almost five minutes before stalking away and snapping at anyone who talked to her after that.

He was constantly amused at her efforts to beat him academically, as she obviously paled in comparison everywhere else.

He was a damn _genius_.

How could a girl like her ever hope to beat him?

For some reason he remembered Rock Lee and his stupid speeches on how he'd one day, with hard work and persistence, beat Hyuuga Neji, who was also a genius.

"You can go entertain another customer if you want."

Sasuke broke out of his thoughts and leveled her with his gaze. "Excuse me?"

Sakura tapped her pen on her knee. "You're not really doing anything with me so if you want you can go entertain another girl."

He stared at her for a moment, the constant tapping annoying him. "Stop that." he said irritably, narrowing his eyes at her pen.

"Oh," Sakura looked down at her hands and stilled. "Sorry."

Sasuke frowned and turned back to stare out the window.

For some reason her immediate compliance was more annoying than the tapping pen had been.

XXXXX

Ino stared worriedly over Kiba's shoulder, biting her lip. "Is she going to be ok? Is she awake yet?"

"Yes, to the first question, no, to the second." he replied, rolling his eyes. It'd been this way ever since the club had closed. Kiba put a piece of ice near Hinata's temples in an attempt to wake her, again, while Ino hovered like a worried mother. "Why did she faint?"

The blonde shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe you and Naruto's sex appeal knocked her out."

Kiba grinned wolfishly. "Well, I _am_ the campus sex god—"

"Like hell!" Naruto yelled though the open door while carrying a used tea tray laden high with cups and saucers. "Only thing you're god of is morons!"

"Speak for yourself, dumb ass." Kiba snapped.

"Fuck you, d—"

"Naruto." The blonde boy winced at Sasuke's cutting tone. "Shut it." The dark haired teen walked into the room and stood beside the couch Hinata was currently laying on. "If she doesn't wake up in five more minutes you're calling your driver and taking her home, got it Hyuuga?" Neji had also appeared in the room and stood near the door. "I don't have time to wait around all day for your cousin to wake up."

Ino's eyes turned to an arctic chill as she gazed at Sasuke. "Where are my friends?"

"Putting away tea sets with Shikamaru and Naruto." Sasuke answered after a pregnant pause in which he noticed the way she glared daggers at him. It was quite amusing.

Shino, silent as usual, walked into the room, heading immediately to Hinata's side. He knelt down and produced a small bag from his back pocket. "Smelling salts." he clarified when Kiba cast him a quizzical glance. He held it under Hinata's nose, moving it around a little and after a few seconds the Hyuuga heiress's eyes snapped open.

"W-What—"

"Hinata," Shino said in his deep baritone, "are you alright?"

"S-Shino-kun!" she squeaked, eyes wide and cheeks flushed with embarrassment. "K-Kiba-kun!"

The dog lover put a hand on her shoulder and gave a toothy grin. "God, Hinata, you really gave us a scare there! Can you sit up?" he asked.

She nodded and pushed herself up. Hinata placed her hands on her knees and asked quietly, "Um, h-how long have I been o-out?"

"About three hours." Kiba replied. "You missed the entire club!"

Hinata's face turned redder and Ino placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"Hinata! It's alright, there's always next time."

She looked up at the blonde girl and was rewarded with a wink. Ino tilted her head in the direction of the door.

Hinata turned around slightly to behold a half-naked Naruto.

"N-N—"

"Hinata-chan!" he cried, rushing up to the blushing girl, "You're awake! How are you feeling? Are you ok? Do you want some tea? Food? Water?"

"Um . . . Um . . ." Hinata couldn't get a coherent word out seeing as the boy she was in love with was extremely close and sported no shirt. His chest was even better looking than she imagined. Sure, she'd heard stories about the P.E. classes which had Naruto in them, how great the view was according to his adoring fans, but hearing and seeing were two totally different matters. Her cheeks grew, if possible, even hotter and she needed some air.

"Hinata-chan?" he repeated, edging his face close. "Hinata-chan?"

"Give her some air, you retard!" Sakura screamed, forcefully pushing Naruto away with enough force to send him flying into the wall. The pink haired girl glared at the fallen blonde before turning a worried glance to her friend. "Hinata, are you alright?"

"F-Fine!" she replied, voice high. "Um, is N-Naruto-kun—"

"He's fine." Ino said, waving her hand to dismiss the matter. "That blockhead wouldn't die because he got thrown into a wall."

Kiba snorted.

"B-But I-I—"

"Now that she's awake," Sasuke's eyes moved indifferently over Hinata, "I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

"Sasuke! She just woke up!" Naruto protested.

"Hn."

It was the final word—sound—that left no room for discussion.

XXXXX

"Nara Shikamaru. Age seventeen. Birthday September 22nd and he's a second year high school student. His parents own a famous pharmaceutical company, the biggest in the world, and he has no siblings. He's a genius, in class 2A despite his laziness, and likes cloud watching, sleeping and smoking; he doesn't have any favorite classes.

He's really unenthusiastic and gets in trouble a lot for his lack of work ethic. He was friends with Uzumaki Naruto, Inuzuka Kiba and Akimichi Chouji in middle school and they always skipped class and caused trouble, similar to what they do now. Shikamaru doesn't like to be bothered but if it's really important he'll help you out. Shikamaru likes playing games like Shogi and Go and was once an international chess champion. His best friend is Akimichi Chouji (Parents own five-star restaurants, furniture companies etc.).

Right now he's going out with Sabaku Temari from Suna University.

His favorite colors are green and brown."

"So," Sakura stared at the picture of Shikamaru, "what's his role in the host club?"

Ino looked over her notes and leaned back against her headboard. "He's, like, their counsel I guess. Apparently Sasuke and Neji always ask Shikamaru his opinion on things so he must be in their inner circle and what not."

"More like triangle." Tenten said, propping her chin up on her folded hands. "Shikamaru, Sasuke and Neji . . . The Genius Triangle."

Sakura snorted before putting down the picture and resuming her studies. "I guess you're right."

The brunette girl rummaged around in Ino's tote and frowned. "Where are the others?" she asked. "I thought you kept them in your bag."

Ino shrugged. "I gave them to Hinata. She's attending one of those boring Hyuuga charity functions and I thought she might like some reading."

"Why so interested, Tenten?" Sakura asked slyly. "Want to know more about someone? Shino? He's a real catch, you know . . ."

"Oh yeah," Tenten replied sarcastically, rolling her eyes while Ino laughed, "I'm a sucker for dark sunglasses."

XXXXX

_Uzumaki Naruto. Age seventeen. Birthday October 10__th__. Lives with Jiraiya, a Japanese Hugh Hefner times ten, and is his semi-adopted son. He likes eating (Favorite food is ramen), sleeping, talking and fighting. He's good at sports and runs track. He doesn't have any favorite subjects in school and doesn't excel in any of them really._

_He's nice, energetic, funny and can be sweet sometimes when he's not a complete idiot. Naruto doesn't look like a typical Japanese person with his blonde hair and tan, because he spent a few years in America and was born with naturally blonde hair. Many girls love him because of his California 'surfer' look which is exotic. His best friend is Uchiha Sasuke and he's really good friends with Sabaku Gaara from Suna Academy._

_Rumored that he dated Kazehana Koyuki, better known as Fujikaze Yukie, who is ten years his senior._

_His favorite color is orange._

Hinata bit her lower lip as she reread the sentence about Naruto having been in a relationship with Fujikaze Yukie. The woman was a world renowned actress and was incredibly popular all throughout Asia . . . Not to mention she was beautiful, absolutely gorgeous with blue-silver eyes and blacker-than-black hair and sultry lips that guys seemed to just _love_. Hinata already knew that Kiba kept a poster of Yukie above his bed and she knew that Naruto was an avid fan of her movie where she played a princess called Fuun-hime . . .

She shook her head to clear her thoughts.

It was foolish to think that such a silly rumor was true when there wasn't any proof.

People talked all the time . . .

"Hinata-sama."

She gasped and crumpled the paper into her fist instantly.

"N-Neji-niisan!" Hinata squeaked, cheeks flushing. "W-What are y-you doing here?"

Neji's ivory eyes moved over her slowly for a moment, zeroing in on the blush on her face and, particularly, her closed fist with the paper in it. "Were you reading something?" he asked, voice cool.

"N-No! N-Not at all!" she lied, her nervousness making it incredibly obvious, and quickly rose from her seat and brushed invisible dust from her dress while putting the paper into her hand bag. "Let's g-go!"

XXXXX

The phone in his pocket vibrated intensely and Neji, knowing who it was, slipped out of the room unnoticed to answer.

"What."

"I saw what happened today."

Neji rolled his eyes at Shikamaru's general words. "Saw what?"

"The way you accepted that Tenten girl. You've never sat down with a customer before . . ."

"Hn."

"So," Shikamaru asked, "is she the girl you like?"

"I'm not answering that." Neji replied stonily.

"It is her then."

There was a bunch of snickering behind Shikamaru and Neji brought his hand up to his temples to massage them.

"Are _they_ with you?"

"Perhaps." was the simple answer.

There was a scuffle from what Neji could tell through the phone, it sounded like Naruto was getting beaten by either Sasuke or Kiba, and then suddenly it was the Uchiha who spoke to him.

"I didn't know you'd become so desperate as to spend your free time with those idiots." Neji said dryly.

"You're funny, Hyuuga."

"What do you people want?"

"Always so direct. Can't you believe that we just wanted to call you because we missed you?"

"You're scaring me, Uchiha, don't be so friendly." Neji growled. A distant yell of 'he's on medicine!' echoed in the background and he suddenly understood why Sasuke was being so . . . Weird. "Medicine? What happened this time?"

"Fight with Itachi. Always gives me a headache."

"The usual then." Neji surmised. "Why do you keep doing this?" No response on the other end. "Your inferiority complex is getting out of hand, Sasuke. Just accept that you and your brother are _not_ the same, that you _will_ achieve greatness and that you _will_ live up to your Uchiha name. Stop trying to do everything to get acknowledgement. It's unhealthy." After another moment of silence he brought the phone down from his ear and stared at the glowing screen.

Sasuke had hung up.

XXXXX

He did _not_ have an inferiority complex.

Sasuke was awesome, hell, he was _made_ from awesome.

Everything about him embodied awesome-ness and he was just . . . Awesome.

What type of awesome person had an inferiority complex?

It, just, wasn't awesome.

Yes, he was obsessive-compulsive; he wasn't the type to let things go easily, hell, _none_ of the Uchihas were the type to let things go.

Sasuke flicked open the lighter and shut it, the metal making a clicking sound. He enjoyed watching the orange-yellow flame leap up and then shutting the top. The color oddly reminded him of the color macaroni and cheese, that oddly named crayon plagued his thoughts for a moment before he resumed opening and closing the lighter.

God, he loved fire.

Matches were much better than lighters; they smelled good after they were put out.

Yes, Uchiha Sasuke was also a pyromaniac, though not the type to start fires; he just enjoyed looking at them.

"You finished with that?" Shikamaru asked, holding out his hand lazily. "I need to smoke."

Sasuke closed the lighter and slapped it down into the outstretched hand. "Hn."

"Don't be one of those people who says it's a 'bad habit' because I know it is already."

"I wasn't going to say anything about your habits." he replied smoothly.

"Uh huh . . ." Shikamaru put a cigarette to his lips, lit it and inhaled, a look of gratification instantly appearing upon his face. He closed his eyes. "You're too smart to do this, but if you did, you'd understand my love of nicotine in a heartbeat."

Sasuke leaned against the fence lining the perimeter of the school roof, shoving his hands into his pockets. "Hn." He'd thought about it, had almost asked Shikamaru for a cigarette a few times, but it just didn't seem right to smoke; his parents would probably kill him and dying at the tender age of seventeen wasn't in his plans.

"So," Shikamaru began, taking a long drag and exhaling a cloud of grey smoke, "Neji and I read the comment cards. Naruto helped—"

Sasuke knew the blonde idiot only made matters worse by 'helping'.

"—Kiba and Shino were directing the movers so our new French restaurant theme will be ready in a few days."

"What about the comment cards?" he asked.

Shikamaru sighed heavily. "They want a lot of . . . Yaoi."

If Sasuke had any less control over his emotions he would've flinched.

"Excuse me?"

"You and Naruto are a popular couple. If you two did a sort of, gay, _thing_ together we'd make at least _twice_ as much as we make now . . ."

"_Fuck_ no."

The Nara shrugged. "I knew you'd say that."

"Hn."

". . . You and Neji are also popular. Those girls seem to think you're a whore."

Him and Neji . . .

He suppressed a shiver.

XXXXX

"God! I am so _bored!_" Naruto whined. "What the hell are we doing here so early?"

Kiba shrugged. "Neji said there's supposed to be a meeting . . ." he looked around and Shino, reading no less, was the only other person in the room besides them. "But I think he was lying so we'd actually get here on time."

The blonde snorted. "Sly bastard. I _hate_ being friends with geniuses sometimes."

Kiba mumbled his agreement since Shino had cast him a pointed glance from behind his sunglasses; he couldn't exactly _see_ it but he could _feel_ it, more or less. Shino was also a proclaimed genius, though his fame was a little muted compared to the other three.

"Let's do something then." Kiba said.

"What?"

"Don't know."

Naruto frowned for a moment before a light bulb seemed to turn on inside his head. "Let's pull a prank!" he suggested brightly.

"On who? There's no one here, idiot."

"Oh yeah . . ."

XXXXX

Sakura groaned. Loudly.

"I don't _want_ to go anymore!" she yelled as she was roughly dragged down the hallway to a familiar music room on a familiar floor. "I have to study! I have a test in a week and I've got tons of homework to do—"

"I _saw_ you doing that stuff during study hall, forehead." Ino said. "Don't try lying to me."

"Whatever!"

XXXXX

"Did you finish putting it on the floor?"

Naruto smirked. "Of course. I _am_ the best prankster in three schools."

Kiba snorted. "Like that's something to be proud of?"

"It is!" he insisted.

"So," the dog lover said, looking around, "where's your anal best friend?"

"That anal bastard should be here soon . . ."

"_What_ anal bastard, dumb ass?"

Naruto let out a 'manly' scream before whipping around to face Sasuke.

_Crap_, he thought, _the teme is _away_ from the door. He must've come in through the side . . ._

XXXXX

"Me being there makes no difference, you know. Where are Tenten and Hinata? Why aren't they being forced too?" the pink haired girl demanded, trying to wring her wrist from Ino's impossibly strong grip. Her efforts were in vain. Sadly. "Once was enough for me, I swear!"

Ino scoffed. "Whatever."

They reached the room and the blonde haired girl pushed open the door forcefully, and ruefully pushed her best friend inside.

Sakura wasn't counting on the slippery floor when she tried to catch her balance.

How could she have known that only moments before Uzumaki Naruto had layered it with soap?

All she could think about was trying to find something sturdy to hold onto so she wouldn't fall and Naruto was the closest thing. She made a grab for him, noticing his wide blue eyes, but missed and ended up pushing the poor boy . . .

And sending him crashing into _the_ Uchiha Sasuke.

Sakura fell to the ground, palms hitting shiny tile with a painful smack.

"Oh my god," she began, getting to her hands and knees because apologyzing on the ground was a little tough, "I—"

The words died on her lips because:

One, no one was paying attention,

Two, Uzumaki Naruto was _on top of _Uchiha Sasuke,

And three, they were _kissing_.

_We live to serve our customers._

_We want to make you happy._

XXXXX

A/N: Reviews are my happy crack . . . and make me update faster.

No, this will not turn into SasuNaru because this is SasuSaku etc. and shall remain so. I just had to keep that weird Naruto-pushed-into-Sasuke kiss in the story because it was like the beginning of SasuNaru and I LOVE the pairing to death.

Kazehana Koyuki/Fujikaze Yukie is the princess/actress from the first Naruto movie.


	4. Absolut Revenge

A/N: Ah, after a pretty long hiatus, I'm back with ANOTHER CHAPTER! GAH! I wrote this instead of doing my homework (I've got warped priorities) but I'm so glad I finally finished this damn thing. I'm sorry you guys had to wait so long, but I hope this chapter makes up for it?

I want to thank all of you who reviewed because reading them all (especially the ones I got recently) really helped me get back into it. I love you all!

Disclaimer: I don't own.

XXXXX

Chapter 4

XXXXX

_Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, _Sakura thought frantically_, my life is OVER_.

She'd just pushed _the_ Uchiha Sasuke into his best friend, forcing them to kiss and it was being witnessed by _other people_. She highly doubted Sasuke was gay, there had been that awkward period for a year or two when she questioned his sexuality and the nature of his relationship with Naruto, but that had passed. She let a strangled sound rip from her throat as she watched the still surprised male teens. With the power he wielded, Sasuke wouldn't have a problem getting her kicked out of school, hell, she doubted she'd be accepted anywhere else in Japan after this fiasco and wondered if she'd even be able to find a _job_ later on.

Kiba stared and stared, not caring that his mouth was hanging so low it seemed unhinged from his jaw. He'd never seen such a sight. Sure, he'd come across some people he didn't know making out behind the south building, but never his friends. It might've been an accident, but it was just the slightest bit disturbing in his mind. He suddenly felt his jaw snap, teeth hitting teeth with a loud click sound.

"You should close your mouth."

The dog lover turned to Shino, eyes wide. "You-I—"

Then there were clicking sounds.

Lots of them.

And bright flashes.

Neji had appeared, out of thin air it seemed, and he had a digital camera with him.

_That_ shook everyone out of their stupor in an instant.

Sasuke roughly pushed Naruto off of him and was on his feet in an instant. "_Hyuuga_—" he said darkly, voice laced with dangerous intent. It was clearly a warning: Give me the camera or _die_, horribly and _painfully_. Sasuke started to advance but Naruto had gathered his wits and hooked his arms under his best friend's, preventing him from pummeling Neji.

"I have a project to start today so I won't be here," Neji said, ignoring the dark looks and curses Sasuke sent his way. He leveled Kiba with his pale gaze. "Clean up the floor." he commanded, pocketing the small electronic device. His message delivered, Neji promptly strolled to the double doors, turned and disappeared.

XXXXX

Tenten covered her mouth with her hand, trying not to laugh and hiding the slight tinge of pink on her cheeks as she walk/ran to keep up with Neji's long, purpose-filled strides.

"It's eventful in your club." she said brightly.

"Hn."

"I mean, it's not everyday you see Naruto and Sasuke kissing, right?"

Neji flew down the steps. "Don't tell me you enjoy that sort of thing." he replied, casting her an assessing glance out of the corner of his eye. "You don't strike me as the fan girl-type."

"On occasion." she answered slyly, jumping the last bit of stairs.

XXXXX

There was complete silence and Ino rolled her eyes, the first to break the ice.

"Well, that was interesting."

Sasuke turned his gaze to Sakura, eyes filled with hate. "This is your fault!" he spat. "Get out of here!"

The pink haired girl took two steps back and clutched the strap of her backpack, feeling the black nylon material nervously. "I-It was an accident!" she stammered. "I slipped! I didn't mean to push Naruto into you, I swear!"

"Talk is absolutely _worthless_." Sasuke snapped. "Tomorrow those pictures that _bastard_ took will be sold to the highest bidder and I'll be the laughing stock of the entire school!" He elbowed Naruto in the chest, forcing him to let go and glared balefully at the blonde. "You idiot! If you hadn't held me back I could've gotten that damn camera!"

"But you would've killed Neji!" Naruto cried. "I can't let you get yourself thrown in jail for murder—"

"I'm an _Uchiha!_" the dark haired teen yelled in exasperation. "God dammit, Naruto!"

Naruto winced.

Of course. Uchihas were always above the law and with so much money at their disposal things like, say, a murder, could be cleaned up so that their reputations remained unblemished. He should've remembered, but now he was probably going to be treated to the infamous 'Uchiha Sasuke Silent Treatment'. The longest they'd abstained from speaking to each other was almost three years and that was because of a simple argument they'd had over Sasuke switching schools, but this time . . .

Naruto dared to look at Sasuke's face and received a dark glower.

"At least it wasn't something _really_ embarrassing—" Naruto began, holding his hands up in front of himself because his best friend looked like he was about to punch him.

Sasuke's eyes narrowed to slits. "Say another word and I'll put that picture of you making out with the blowup doll on the internet."

"What!?" the blonde cried indignantly. "You said you got rid of that!"

"I lied."

"_What!?_"

"Shut up, dobe."

"You son of a b—"

"_Well_," Ino said, coughing loudly, "I feel Sakura and I have overstayed our welcome so we'll be going now." She grabbed the pink haired girl's sleeve and dragged her towards the door, eager to get away from all the testosterone encompassing them.

Naruto was about to say bye, but Sasuke karate chopped him in the stomach.

XXXXX

Tenten frowned into her Starbucks mocha, the words in her history textbook not sinking in. How did anyone ever remember all this stuff? She'd always thought that nothing really happened in the Stone Age, that cavemen invented fire and learned how to not go around naked, but apparently a _lot_ had happened that she didn't know about.

"Is something wrong?"

She looked up and gave Neji a slightly confused smile. "I just don't get this stuff. I think we need to do something a little more . . . Recent for our project."

Neji glanced down at his book, then back up at her. "If that's what you want." he said, closing the textbook and retrieving a sheet of paper from his backpack. A pen magically appeared in his hand and Tenten was so glad that her partner was organized. "What topic would you like?"

"Well . . ."

He frowned. "You don't know?"

"We just got this project today!" she said defensively.

"We've known about it for two weeks already." he retorted, voice crisp and level.

She leaned over the table a little to glare at Neji because she found that glaring at close range was more effective that glaring at long range. "Not everyone is an overachiever like you, Hyuuga Neji." Tenten stated flatly.

He stared back into her eyes and found he liked her nearness. He found her slight anger attractive and briefly wondered if he was turning into an idiot.

Neji discreetly moved back. "We can't start unless you decide on something."

Tenten sighed. "I don't know . . ."

"Start by listing off things that interest you."

She glanced at him curiously. "Why me? Why not you?"

_Dammit_, Neji thought. Why wouldn't she just list off things that interested her? How was he supposed to find out more about her if she didn't talk?

"I'm sure you'd find all my ideas very boring."

Tenten smiled slyly. "Depends on what the ideas are."

XXXXX

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god—"

"She's been like that for the past couple minutes, Hinata. It's terrible."

The dark haired girl gazed worriedly at Sakura and poked her in the shoulder, trying to get her attention. "Um," she began, "Sakura . . . Are you alright?"

Sakura let out a strangled sound and shook her head.

Ino rolled her eyes. "It was all an accident! So what if they kissed?"

Sakura grasped the blonde's shirt, jade eyes wide with a mixture of worry and anger, and said, gritting her teeth together, "Uchiha Sasuke. Is going. To make my life. A living _hell_."

"You're exaggerating, Sakura." Ino replied.

"Are you kidding me!?" the pink haired girl screamed. "He's like the Prince of Japan and he practically rules the school with his little group of friends!"

Ino glanced at her skeptically. "Friends?"

"A loosely used term but what else are we supposed to call them?"

Hinata coughed to get their attentions and shyly pressed the tips of her fingers together. "I-I think we should give Uchiha-san the benefit o-of the doubt. M-Maybe he w-won't d-do anything to you, Sakura . . ."

XXXXX

Sasuke entered his bedroom and threw his bag onto the floor while he threw himself across his bed.

God, he was tired. Why was school so draining?

His cell phone rang and he dug it out of his pocket. He stared at the screen for a moment before stuffing it under his pillow. Hadn't Naruto talked enough today at school? Sasuke truly believed that the blonde dobe was going to talk him to death one day.

"Otouto."

Sasuke turned his head to the door to view his least favorite person.

"Itachi." he replied curtly. His brother stared at him silently for a few minutes and Sasuke frowned. "If you've got nothing to say can you get out of my room?"

"I remember a time when you called me 'nii-san'."

"I liked you back then." Sasuke snapped. "And stop calling me 'otouto'."

"You don't like my nickname." the older Uchiha stated tonelessly. "We're going to meet mother and father at a restaurant tonight. A car will pick us up around seven. Dress appropriately. Most likely he'll talk about the upcoming dinner."

He nodded and Itachi left, closing the door behind him.

Sasuke got off the bed and went to his desk. His eyes were immediately drawn to a picture propped up on the desk of himself, Naruto and—he wanted to kill her at the moment—Sakura.

They were twelve in the photo and they had had the picture taken at the end of camp, which was actually just a one week gathering of rich and overly privileged children in a hotel at the very end of winter vacation. He narrowed his eyes at Kakashi, who had been their counselor, and remembered the silver haired man reading them 'stories' at night from his precious orange book. He could still remember in vivid detail the expressions on Naruto and Sakura's faces, and he could even remember his own shocking disgust, when Kakashi had told them about the main characters having sex.

Kakashi was smiling good naturedly and had a hand on both Naruto's and Sasuke's heads. Sasuke stared at Naruto's face and his own, letting a small smile grace his lips at the memory of them fighting constantly when they'd first discovered that they were to share a room. In the picture Naruto was glaring at him. Sakura was between the two boys, hands under her chin with a saccharine smile plastered on her face.

Sasuke slammed the photo down. He made his way to his bed and groped around under his pillow until his hand came in contact with the feel of his phone. He quickly dialed and waited for Naruto to pick up.

"Sasuke?" the familiar voice asked.

"I need you to do something for me, Naruto, and you can't screw up."

XXXXX

Sakura shook her head at her cell phone screen and decided that Ino was absolutely insane. There was a long text message awaiting her once she fished her phone out of her purse and it was entirely about Inuzuka Kiba and his best friend, Aburame Shino. There was actually very little on Kiba, only his birthday and the fact that he really liked his dog Akamaru, and there was even less on Shino, who apparently was an avid insect enthusiast.

She deleted the message and put her phone back in her purse while walking into the restaurant. She was supposed to meet Tsunade for dinner and smiled when she saw the blonde hair of her guardian, but frowned as she noticed the empty martini glasses on the table.

"Tsunade—" she began.

"Oh, sit down Sakura!" Tsunade cried, grabbing the girl's sleeve and dragging her down into a chair. "I've had a crappy day and I need another drink."

"You're setting a wonderful example for me, Tsunade-shishou." Sakura said sarcastically. "Now I know that to solve all my problems I should turn to liquor."

"Don't get fresh with me." Tsunade downed another martini and sighed. "I had a bug infestation in my desk and I need to find a way to punish Aburame Shino, though there's no concrete evidence that he did it."

Sakura shrugged. "How do you know he did it?"

"Have you _met_ the kid? He's the Bug King, Sakura, I know it's his fault."

"Is he doing all this because he doesn't want to be in the Host Club?" Sakura asked.

"Most likely." Tsunade motioned for a waiter to get her another drink and sighed. "Maybe I should let him quit. It's not worth having spiders crawling out of my desk on a regular basis . . ."

The rosette smiled and opened up her menu.

XXXXX

Sasuke didn't know what was worse: having to eat dinner with his brother (their parents had urgent business to attend to at the last minute) or the fact that Sakura was eating dinner with Tsunade.

_In the exact same restaurant_.

Fortune wasn't smiling on him at the moment.

_And_ that was the precise moment that Sakura decided to turn around, as if she could feel his eyes on her. Her eyes widened. She had the courtesy to flush heavily as she met his stony glare and Sasuke pointedly turned away to be led to his and Itachi's private booth at the back of the restaurant.

Thank god for that.

XXXXX

"Something wrong?"

Sakura shook her head and tried to focus on her menu again.

Tsunade raised an eyebrow at her. "Sakura, you were never good at lying to me."

"I accidentally made Naruto and Sasuke kiss and now Sasuke absolutely hates my guts." Sakura looked up from her menu and was surprised to see that Tsunade was unfazed. "You're not surprised?"

"Why should I be? Bound to happen anyway with all those rabid Yaoi fan girls going to that club every afternoon . . ."

"He's going to make my life a living _hell_, shishou." Sakura replied dejectedly.

Tsunade swiveled her martini glass and sighed. "Sasuke will get over it eventually."

"Have you _met_ him?"

"I'll beat the shit out of him if he hurts you, Sakura." she promised.

The pink haired girl rolled her eyes and smiled while Tsunade searched the restaurant for a waiter.

XXXXX

"The Elite Ball is a few weeks away." Itachi said absently while sipping some wine. "Start thinking about who you'll take, Sasuke."

He wanted to groan.

Every year the five hundred most prosperous companies and families in all of Japan gathered in Tokyo Tower for a night filled with dinner, dancing and, yes, drinking. Lots and lots of drinking. The ball always had a theme, this year's was 'Masquerade', and all attendees were required to adhere to the theme and bring a date, preferably another person who was part of the Elite or someone of high standing in the Japanese social circle.

Last year he'd attended with his supermodel 'girl friend', Hayase Yukari, but four months ago she'd gotten married so going with her once again was out of the question.

"Who are you going with this year?" Sasuke asked stonily.

"No one." Itachi replied, taking another drink. "I'm not going."

"_What!?_"

"I have to go to America that weekend and _they_ have to France for a meeting with some company who's thinking of merging. You'll be the only one going from our family, Sasuke, so don't embarrass us." Itachi put down his glass and studied him. "Soon enough all the girls at your school will be asking you to take them, you know they're all going, so pick someone quickly or else you may be stuck with a simpering girl you detest."

"I detest them _all_." Sasuke snapped, wading his napkin in his fist.

"I suppose you could ask a boy. Naruto is free, yes?"

Sasuke was severely annoyed when Itachi easily dodged the napkin thrown at his head.

XXXXX

So far, nothing had happened. Absolutely nothing, and that's what scared her. Sasuke was the revenge-type, so why hadn't he done anything to her yet? Sakura held her textbooks closer to her chest and cautiously looked behind her. Nope, no sign of Sasuke. All day she'd been watching her back, waiting for him to get his revenge, but he just . . . Didn't. Even in English he hadn't said a word, not that that was unusual, but she was _sure_ that's where he would've gotten her back for the kiss.

_Maybe Hinata was right,_ she thought absently, _maybe Sasuke wasn't going to do anything after all . . ._

XXXXX

"Sasuke, I don't feel right about this . . ." Naruto said, biting his lower lip. They stood at the end of the hallway and Sasuke was busy putting a fully charged battery into Naruto's digital camera.

"You owe me." he stated flatly.

"I know! But—"

"Shut up, she's coming."

Naruto grabbed the camera out of Sasuke's outstretched hand reluctantly and hid in the alcove of the boy's bathroom, holding his breath as Sakura's footsteps grew louder. Any minute she'd step on the soaped-up hallway and . . . On cue there was a high-pitched screech and the sound of a crash and books dropping on the marble floor. He whipped out of his hiding place and took five pictures before Sakura realized what was happening. When she turned and got a glimpse of him he disappeared around the corner, but not before Sakura screamed, "_I'm going to kill him!_"

Inside the boy's bathroom, Sasuke smirked triumphantly.

XXXXX

Naruto dropped the camera and the pictures he'd printed on the table between them. Sasuke opened up the camera and took out the memory card, tucking it into his pocket.

"Are you happy now, you ass?" Naruto snapped.

Sasuke picked up the photos and flipped through them. "I never would've guessed." he muttered.

"Yeah," Naruto agreed with a shrug. "Who knew Sakura-chan wore thongs?"

Every picture was a nice view of Sakura, her ass exposed to the world and showing the hot pink thong she wore.

"Very nice, dobe."

"Don't _ever_ ask me to do something like that again."

There was a crash outside the club room door and that was Naruto's cue to disappear. He grabbed his camera and raced to the side door and made it out before Sakura stalked in. She threw her calculus textbook at Sasuke's head and he smacked it away to the side while she steamed.

"_Where are they_ . . ." she ground out, fists balled at her sides.

Sasuke held up the pictures with a flourish. "These?" he asked casually, watching her face turn red with anger.

"Where's the memory card?" she demanded hotly.

"Hn."

"You are a vindictive son of a—"

"That's no way to talk to the person holding your dignity in their hand."

Sakura resisted the urge to punch him. If she killed him now she'd never get the card . . .

She sighed. "What do I have to do, Sasuke?"

"I'm glad you understand your position," Sasuke put his hands in his pockets. "You'll be working for the club, doing whatever we require until I'm satisfied. I'll give you the memory card then. If I am," he gave her a cruel smirk, "_displeased_ with any of your work, you'll find yourself plastered all over the school, got it?"

"You planned all of this." she said accusingly.

"Hn."

"I don't have time to go to the club every afternoon!" Sakura cried. "I have work, projects, other obligations—"

Sasuke cast her a cold glare. "Make time."

Sakura buried her face in her hands.

_I knew it was too good to be true . . ._

_Don't mess with the boys._

_But who doesn't love an avenger?_

XXXXX

A/N: Please review. Reviews are my happy crack!

Can you see where I'm going? Pretty Ouran-ish, huh? Well . . . Minus the broken vase . . .


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